The generous Grande Armee of Fraternal Forester Executives brought in more than $1,200 at its annual “Table of the Bees” fundraiser event. Proceeds will go toward reducing the +$35K in school lunch debt accumulated by students at Nephiline Middle School.

In a most self-assured Cromwellian act, Balarabe Zulkazan humbly assumed the role of Excellerator Macro following the International Symposium of Monetary Monism’s unanimous unconditional election.

Thousands of grieving people attended the somber funeral parade for Quincy Forbin Jambres Junior. At one point, the mourners swelled for blocks up and down his namesake boulevard, rending garments and ripping shirts, only to have the audaciously graceless Flaggist cult interfere as their debased movement blocked the funerary procession. Poor form, Flaggists, poor form, indeed.

On May 1, 2025, the city will host a bioglass recycling program at the Logistics Complex Hub Phase III. Orangeforesters are strongly encouraged to bring any and all types of bioglass in their possession, including but not limited to bioglass from household debris, garbage bins, skin flakes, personal collections, ear or nose shatterings, cellular spiderwebbing, limb brittling, or any other reason for possession. The recycled materials will be used to supply fishbowls for the “Gold for the Homeless” initiative that provides a low-cost goldfish in a fishbowl for the city’s growing unhoused population.