The Coziest Crannies: The OF House Walkathon took place last week, with families, friends, foes, and the most fabulous fops in town all participating in the porch-to-porch 5K. With sprouting tulips and daffodils lining the sidewalks and the trees budding their orange leaves, we strolled through the foyers and solariums and home libraries of the City’s fanciest mansions, and trust me, my babies, every one of us was ooohing and aaahing for the whole damn walkathon.

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The Warm Up: OF’s Seventh Annual Spring Buying Spree Festival is taking place in the Orforcorp Logistics Hub Complex Phase II parking lot, running from March 21 through April 20. Your Fave Auntie got the cutest basket full of Orforcorp body washes, bath bombs, “herbal” febrifugals, analeptic lotions, and these cute little artisanal soaps that don’t leave any filmy residue on your skin whatsoever at all.  

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The Hottest Pioneer: With a grand opening on Pi Day, the new Pie ‘n Ear is just what this city needed! Your Auntie just had to get a third piercing on her beautiful earlobe while eating homemade orangeberry pie. Highly recommended.

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The Uncouth Uncles: Oh my babies, spring has certainly sprung, and so have the illustrious, sweaty, uncouth uncles at the Parkour Pro Circuit Tour. I’m sure Auntie could still show them how to tally up some fancy new tricks.

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The Cool Up: The pitter patter butterflies and chitter chatter chickadees won’t stop obsessing over philanthropist playboy Hayden Jambres. As the buzz grows around him, he’s skyrocketed to the top spot of the City’s most eligible bachelor while becoming a major mover and shaker. Some even speculate he may succeed Quincy Forbin Jambres Junior as Orforcorp CEO. Talk about a getting someone to put a ring on it!

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The Cool Down: You can judge me all you want, my babies, but your Cool Auntie is putting her foot down on this one and there’s no room for argument. I can already feel your hate for even thinking this, but seriously: Atellan’s Slop Bucket Buffet is gross. How is that thing a meal? And not just a meal, but a popular meal? But don’t let your Cool Auntie stop you from enjoying the slop bucket, my babies. It’s your body, your life, your bathroom.

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Thirsty Throuple: You didn't hear this from your Auntie, but a certain someone spotted another certain someone sharing gigante coffees with a certain shall-not-be-named someone, when to my surprise, these two someones were joined by a third someone. Oh my babies, let’s just say that the coffee wasn’t the only thing gigante that day. Auntie has a sixth, no, seventh sense for these types of trysts so you know you can trust your Trustworthy Auntie.