Help Wanted: Engineers of all types! Mechanical, electrical, social, biochemical, etc. — we need your expertise in developing the next-gen Orforcorp Workerbots. Help us build a better standard of living for our families, futures, and dreams, and we’ll help you build your retirement fund with plenty of overtime potential! Send CV to please.hire.me@orforcorp.orj

Seeking: Extra ticket for ConArtCon. I missed out on the tiered tickets and now tix are going for $25K. If you have an extra ticket, I’ve got a super reliable source to meet at inside ConArtCon who needs to hand off to me ultra-sensitive documents about a can’t-fail investment. Docs are too sensitive for digital communications or the USPS. But I need to be able to get inside. If you give me your ticket, I’ll cut you in on this whale of an investment 50/50. Again, details too sensitive for email. Meet me outside the DITCH by the south entrance porta-potties.

For Sale: Complete set of direct edition issues #1-250 of Superfun! Unreal Action Fighters® comics in pristine level 10 diamond condition. YOU will need to arrange the pickup (I suggest a rental van). I will NOT deliver. I will NOT split up the set. I will only sell the complete set of #1-250 of Superfun! Unreal Action Fighters® comics. I will accept the best offer. DO NOT play games and send me a lowball offer. I KNOW what I have. Submit your bids to stanley.staysik@superfunfanclub.orj and put your offer in the subject line. I will NOT open emails with any offers lower than $500,000. Good luck and have a Superfun! day.

Seeking: Are you my dojo darling? I’ll be your senpai sensei and teach you what you don’t know about love. I’m in town attending ConArtCon and I’ve got an extra street-level ticket to the Parkour Tour Circuit stop. Interested in running through my current of love? Reach out to me at errol@brickbreakerblackbelt.dojo

For Sale: An exclusive, Hardcore Apocalypto Parkour Pro Tour VIP swag bag. Never opened, in mint condition. Invest in this rare piece of WAP history now because tomorrow it might be worth millions at auction. Don’t delay! Hit me up at el_chunker@wap.orj

Help Wanted: Are you against quiet quitting and into quiet working? Can you type fast? Like really really fast? And can you type really really fast over really really long time periods? Like type really really fast for 10 hours or more a day? If so, can you type realy really fast for 10 hours or more a day while being a team player who commits to delivering 110% every day of the week without complaining or suing your employer? If you answered YES to all of these questions, then answer YES to our call for talented new typescriptionists. Submit a cover letter, resume, and a screencapture video (1MB maximum file size) of your typescriptionation prowess that demonstrates a consistent pace of at least 250 words per minute (WPM) over the course of 60 minutes to the Camelcase Portfolio of Office Properties at hr@camelcase.poop

Help Wanted: Major deconstruction company needs immediate day laborers who know how to swing a sledgehammer. Long shifts and decent, but guaranteed, pay. Higher day rates for those with heavy equipment operator certification. A creative streak is a plus! If interested, just show up to Pewter Avenue by 5am any day of the week and ask for Dino.